2014

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2014 is about ending now, begin tomorrow, its only a memory. It would be an understatement to call it an amazing year.
I learned lots of new things, went to new places, most time spent away from family, met a lot of new people, good or bad, a few are here to stay and some taught me valuable lessons and walked away. A few things set my ’14 apart making it a little sweeter, I can’t seem to find words that describe my year to the fullest.
No matter how delicious the cake is, that cherry atop the icing is the sweetest and I’ve got a few cherries on my ’14 that are memories forever.
My friends and family who helped me grow, that stranger who returned my lost wallet, my roomie for all that Maggie and unlimited fun, all the makers and hackers who fixed my ugly code with a lot of patience and put a smile on me, that girl with cute hair, aeroplanes that we thought were spaceships, I scored distinctions and failed exams, cars and boats and love and emotions, put a price on it and the world wouldn’t be able to afford it, because some things just don’t come by the second time.
I’ve got one life, and it’s about time I start living it, my resolutions for ’15 don’t spill anything enlightening, I just want to be happy, make a small bucket list, eat a lot of ice cream, tell her I’ve got crush on her, read a good book, write until I run our of words, party like a bitch and work like a dog.
I owe it to a lot of people for all the good things that happened around me this year, all the good memories and priceless experiences, I’m glad we met, thank you!

That Girl With Amazing Hair

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I don’t want to start this story like, ”Once up on a time there was a boy and a girl, they were best friends and he fell in love with her hair and whatnot”. I’ll save the drama for another time. This is not about her hair, nor so much about her for that matter. It’s about me. I got to bed hours after midnight and this happens everyday. Occasionally, I wake up broken into pieces, mind out-of-place and everything feels bland as air. I see no shine in the sunlight, no harmony in music, no reasonable thoughts in my mind; a lot of questions, but very few answers. Its one of those days I just want to fast forward in my record of life, a day that portrays your pleasant past to just be a mere hollow dream you deceived yourself with. A past that feels too good to be true, maybe it was one of my gloomy day fantasies. I do not know, I cannot figure it out.

I’m a firm believer in the supremacy of time and how little changes in actions at the smallest instant would have changed your life by a lot in retrospect. The chain of events in life look so complex in order and seem so precise that it almost feels like a perfectly prepped and executed plan, how I met her. I’m not a very attentive person when it comes to catching random details, it takes a bit of authenticity in something if I have to take note of it. But she, she had, incomparably, the most beautiful hair that day when I first saw her. So right in form, running down her pretty face that is so genuinely beautiful, I just had to keep looking at her to feel alive.

I can’t tell what it really is, I can only tell what it feels like. That one time in your life, you meet that one other person whom you awaited tirelessly, sketching an unconscious personality and sinking all the beautiful feelings into that character. It almost feels like you’re daydreaming when you meet that real life personification of your brain speck. How I subtly stalked her, never missed the smallest glimpse I could catch of her, the incredibly good feeling of wanting to run my fingers through her beautiful lock of hair. Those dreams, that feel so good, that leave you lost and scrambling for love, you don’t want to be alone anymore, you just don’t know what to do. She’s like that intriguing star in the sky that you want to touch, I want her.

Continue reading “That Girl With Amazing Hair”

Drop Forged

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After everything we spoke today, about infatuation, true love and all those compelling topics, I was thinking through it just now and I realized nothing really lasts, you just have to try and make it last as long as you can and get over with it when it’s all done. Nothing really has a chance to last as long as we expect it to, not in this unpredictable world where our lives are affected even by small changes in our surroundings and the smallest in your minds, where feelings for a person are swapped like sim cards in mobile phones. Where wrappers are eaten and the chocolate’s thrown away. Where butterflies are judged as moths. Where pigs are given wings and unicorns slaughter for dinner meals. Where no man cares for a soul that’s being strangled, but everyone wants to be a hero. They’re unforgiving, unsuspecting, dominating, cold as steel and quiet as a whisper. I’m just gonna have to live this for now, untill I’m with you, untill you’re with me, untill I’m struck by lightning or kissed by a viper or just plain upset by deception, this is all I have and I’m gonna learn to appreciate it as much as it drives me to complain. I’ll drop forge my heart, prepare to take the beating, learn to deal with a heartbreak; I won’t give up on you just yet. But, I’ll be waiting for you to get there and when you do come up to me to cut off the strings that kept us together, my endeavor would pay off, I’ll just drop a tear to mark the moment and start walking again. Just to let you know, when it’s all over, it won’t be worth it for either of us to go through this mental apocalypse.
But for now, You are my only Hope to survive this grand chaos.

Anjan Babu
anjan.anjan5@gmail.com

You Are The Picasso Of Your Life

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Everyday, I wake up from a night I spend thinking about her, looking at her picture; I zoom in and out untill it revealed the tiny pixels that make her up. It’s an illusion, I figured. An illusion I’m falling for, falling hard, falling and failing to get out of. But what should I do, she’s just so much to me. Everyday, I convince myself into false hope that she might return my calls or mails. Well, that’s how I delude myself, like I don’t know that she’s gone and gone forever, as it seems.  I may be just another guy she was with, some guy she fancied for a while and no more than a while she spent putting on her mascara. But again, who knows? Maybe she really wanted me, as much as she wanted those sea green diamonds that matched her eyes perfectly. I don’t know, I don’t need to know. whatever it is, the truth or anything; I have seen it and understood. Sometimes, life may feel like a cold night on the pavement, the chill of misfortune, as they see it; or a perfect living, wine and dine in a Victorian mansion. But no, all that is either an illusion or a delusion.
The reality is there is no god or gods, there are no morals, no emotions, everything we know has no base, it is what we have defined to ourselves. Everything is manmade, so make it your own and make it well. Stop finding yourself and start making yourself. If anybody looks upon you with indifference, just try to ignore them and keep walking, if it tempts, then take a swing at’em.
Loneliness is seen as a disease, a curse and much more. But, we are all alone, born alone and die alone. Damn those love songs and romance stories that hype your expectations, someday when we will look back on our lives and realize that in spite of the company we had, we were all alone the entire day. You cannot live this life if you have to look into others’ hearts for your happiness. You are the only person there is for you, live for you, love you, dream about you, die for you; give yourself what you deserve.
You have to, in anyway deal with your nature of living. Before you grow up, you must fall in love three times; Once, you must fall in love with a player, this will show you the unpleasant side of the greatest human emotion, love.
Once you must fall in love with someone you think is perfect, this will teach you that nobody is perfect.
Once you must fall in love with your best friend and ruin your friendship forever, this will teach you that there is a fine line between friendship and more.
When you are through all this, you’ll learn that the ones who care about you are the ones who hurt you and the ones who hurt you are the ones you need the most. Now, ask yourself if it’s worth it? Your answer maybe different from mine, love is something that doesn’t have a textbook definition other than the fact that it’s a human emotion which has had complicated evolutionary changes and so it’s different to to each person who experiences it. when you finally grow up, you will learn to respect each every person in the world and not judge them by thier weakness; afterall, you know that everyone only wants to be loved.
I’m done now; my shackles are off, it’s time for me to grow up and I’m not going to live my life for anyone else but myself.
Before me lies a great stretch of road and it’s windswept, or blasted by the hot sun, or covered in snow, or it’s dirt or asphalt, or shrouded in the dark or bright, or shadows that follow you; no matter what, it feels utterly empty. But get this, there are men who have lost wives, mothers who have lost sons and they are still living; I don’t say they sleep their nights on fulfilled beds, but they have more than just survived this great stretch of road that I’m about to walk. It takes a long while to realize that life goes on no matter what, but trust me it’s worth the while. You are the Picasso of your life; you might splash the paint all over yourself and make a mess, but it is about what’s on the canvas that matters. Live your life for real, just don’t make it an excuse to pass your time untill you die because you are here for now and for all you know, this is all you’ve got.

Anjan Babu
anjan.anjan5@gmail.com