I don’t want to start this story like, ”Once up on a time there was a boy and a girl, they were best friends and he fell in love with her hair and whatnot”. I’ll save the drama for another time. This is not about her hair, nor so much about her for that matter. It’s about me. I got to bed hours after midnight and this happens everyday. Occasionally, I wake up broken into pieces, mind out-of-place and everything feels bland as air. I see no shine in the sunlight, no harmony in music, no reasonable thoughts in my mind; a lot of questions, but very few answers. Its one of those days I just want to fast forward in my record of life, a day that portrays your pleasant past to just be a mere hollow dream you deceived yourself with. A past that feels too good to be true, maybe it was one of my gloomy day fantasies. I do not know, I cannot figure it out.
I’m a firm believer in the supremacy of time and how little changes in actions at the smallest instant would have changed your life by a lot in retrospect. The chain of events in life look so complex in order and seem so precise that it almost feels like a perfectly prepped and executed plan, how I met her. I’m not a very attentive person when it comes to catching random details, it takes a bit of authenticity in something if I have to take note of it. But she, she had, incomparably, the most beautiful hair that day when I first saw her. So right in form, running down her pretty face that is so genuinely beautiful, I just had to keep looking at her to feel alive.
I can’t tell what it really is, I can only tell what it feels like. That one time in your life, you meet that one other person whom you awaited tirelessly, sketching an unconscious personality and sinking all the beautiful feelings into that character. It almost feels like you’re daydreaming when you meet that real life personification of your brain speck. How I subtly stalked her, never missed the smallest glimpse I could catch of her, the incredibly good feeling of wanting to run my fingers through her beautiful lock of hair. Those dreams, that feel so good, that leave you lost and scrambling for love, you don’t want to be alone anymore, you just don’t know what to do. She’s like that intriguing star in the sky that you want to touch, I want her.
There’s something more than a mere girlish charm in her, she’s different. It feels like rafting down the wildest whitewater, this could potentially end in a way that can shatter me, but damn right she is worth it, even for a good friend. I never really bothered to go up to any girl and say hi, I was always too busy nerd-ing over material love, writing about people who didn’t exist, forgetting there’s a life out there; I had no idea how much more amazing it is to sit down and talk to a girl, laugh together, smile, stare at her like I’m the kid and she’s the candy, tell her she’s got cute hair and watch her blush. For once, human emotions amuse me, thanks to that girl with amazing hair.
An average person thinks of their loved ones roughly every three seconds, I believe. I think of her way too often than that, she’s like an involuntary thought that makes me happy. I didn’t know what it was like to feel butterflies in the tummy, before we met. Every time I look at her, she puts me in a choke-hold I just can’t and don’t want to get out of. Tap out, maybe? Well, it’s a shame to not fall for a girl like her, really. She’s a wee bit shorter than I am and cute. She’s funny, smart, makes me go aw every time she smiles, the coolest part, she’s no girlish drama at all. Oh, and she likes chocolates. Perfect. Call me blinded by love or thrown off-coarse by a distractions served well, I go light on perspectives and personal opinions, so save it.
Every once in a while you meet people who leave a mark in your life, some are more significant and some are a bit less significant. I learned some very important things from her, happiness is the most important thing in life, little dreams matter, a lot; you keep count of lifetime in memories and not by age, it’s not so much about the world missing you when you’re gone, as much as it is about how much of the world you missed while you could have still gotten a nice chunk off of it. Here I stand today, thinking I was preparing to face the future while I’m failing at the little things of the present. When I meet people like her, I wonder why my life is so much in order? Why is it so programmed? Every little deviation from that order goes through a million error correction cycles and puts my life back into the barren backyard of lost human hopes, like I can fix it. I just can’t. It’s not that she’s frivolous about her life and I’m too weighty about mine, it’s just, I find her perspective more reasonable in certain terms, more exciting, so much more lively and human. Twenty years of my life floated away being a nerd, the inevitable truth I try not to admit, even to myself, it all better be worth it. I can walk this path all life long, pretend like I never met her and go another twenty years tracing my own footsteps, but I’d just be going in circles forever.
It hasn’t been very long since we met, maybe I don’t know her well enough yet; maybe to her I’m just another guy she hangs out with, maybe she doesn’t want to be anything more than friends. That’s alright, I’ll be glad I got to meet that girl with amazing hair, who was an awesome person for as long as I’ve known her. Happiness is where you want it to be and life goes on, no matter what, but it leaves that bittersweet mark to log all the memories. Often, I wonder if I deserve a girl like her, I don’t know, but at the least, I guess she deserves to know how I feel about her and how much I admired her. I don’t have a lot of reasons to why I like her, but she is the only girl who got me, most talkative guy, to go speechless pretty much every single time I tried to start a conversation with her, that’s a reason good enough for me.
She’ll always be my favorite hello and the hardest goodbye.